The real Jeremy Clarkson super-injunction

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The Twitter-sphere has been buzzing with rumours about Jeremy Clarkson. However, we have received shocking claims that he has been allegedly cheating on his car with not one but a string of bicycles.

Weekends Away

For months he’s been heading off in secret for a dirty weekend’s mountain biking, romantic touring through Sussex or just a quick ride after lunch. We managed to catch up with a few of the models for an exclusive chat.

Claudette the Road Bike is still a big fan despite the revelations. “He was such a considerate rider and always wore protection. Normally a helmet but sometimes even a high vis jacket to spice things up a bit.”

His tastes sometimes ranged to the exotic like Sophie the Bamboo Bike. “He told me he felt so much more liberated with me” she reminisced fondly, “ I made him feel young again. I just think the spark had gone out of his relationship.”

Time for a change?

The most expensive of his dalliances was a Pinarello and cost him over £6,000. The shortest reported fling was with a Boris Bike, which lasted just a few minutes before ending amicably.

Jeremy Clarkson’s Ferrari was unavailable for comment.