How to be a dangerous cyclist
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Normally going slowly is associated with more careful cyclists. However there is a distinct type of rider who will rarely get into an accident themselves but cause plenty. I was stuck behind someone like this today.
To qualify as a this type of rider you need to check off some very important habits:
1. Tunnel vision. Ideally you are completely unaware of what is going on around you and especially behind you. Your neck should never be turned more than 45 degrees left or right. After all if you can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. And if doesn’t exist, it can’t hurt you.
2. Accelerate fast to low top speed. It is very important that you accelerate fast off every traffic light (if you make the mistake of stopping for one) but then cycle very slowly. Whatever you do don’t let other faster cyclists go past if you can possibly help it. If you don’t stop at traffic lights make sure it’s at busy junctions for maximum impact.
3. Like narrow roads. Always cycle on roads where it’s almost possible to overtake. This means that you can cause the maximum inconvenience to everyone else.
4. Annoy drivers. This is always a good tactic because you’re going slowly enough not to get hit but wind up the drivers enough that they lose concentration and make mistakes that other cyclists pay for. Or deliberately exact revenge for later.
Follow these 4 rules and you too can be obliviously causing chaos on your daily commute.
That’s it, blame the cyclist. Is this a real cyclist blog or just a front for the car alliance? Nice pic up there by the way, glad to know that if I get killed it must have been my fault for riding on a narrow road, pulling away from a green light quickly, or riding “slowly enough not to get hit but wind up the drivers enough that they… deliberately exact revenge for later”. Because hey, it’s not their fault right, they can hit whoever they want and just blame the previous cyclist they saw for making them do it?
If this is a serious post, it’s seriously irresponsible.
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